The Perfect App For All Your Non-Sexual Transactions

13 Apr 2021
126 844 Aufrufe

Your significant other will NEVER question your Sexno payments! #Colbert #ALateShow #ColdOpens
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Watch The Late Show with Stephen Colbert weeknights at 11:35 PM ET/10:35 PM CT. Only on CBS.
The Late Show with Stephen Colbert is the premier late night talk show on CBS, airing at 11:35pm EST, streaming online via Paramount+, and delivered to the International Space Station on a USB drive taped to a weather balloon. Every night, viewers can expect: Comedy, humor, funny moments, witty interviews, celebrities, famous people, movie stars, bits, humorous celebrities doing bits, funny celebs, big group photos of every star from Hollywood, even the reclusive ones, plus also jokes.

  • the new report says ASS as the memo LMFAO hahahahahahahah

    Charlie AlexanderCharlie AlexanderVor 28 Tage
  • That last line, was gold.

    Johnny BracciaJohnny BracciaVor 28 Tage
  • Man Person School Tuition Salad

    Kel GreenKel GreenVor Monat
  • Lol dwl lmao

    Shawn MelfordShawn MelfordVor Monat
  • Funny

    Jacob ReynoldsJacob ReynoldsVor Monat
  • Who else can't wait for the Matt Gaetz South Park episode?

    Get SchwiftyGet SchwiftyVor Monat
  • The fact the he can waste 900$ as we normal people, that can barely earn 900$ in one month, can waste 1$ can let you understand as this douchebag is far from reality.

    Whatever Happened To Fun?Whatever Happened To Fun?Vor Monat
  • 😂🤣😅 a lot of people surely need it!!! What if there is an app for saddlysingle payment women? We sure neec it too 😉😉.😂🤣😅

    guiguiVor Monat
  • The my pillow guy will start the sexno app everyone gets a secure transaction. They're all Frank.

    BriarDanBriarDanVor Monat
  • You don’t need Venmo to make poor decisions: Jerry Springer was a city councilor who resigned in 1974 after paying a prostitute $25 with a personal check, (and the story became public because the check bounced.)

    gimmespamnowgimmespamnowVor Monat
  • MAGAturds would be THAT GULLIBLE.

    Darth VirginDarth VirginVor Monat
  • 😂😂😂

    Kirsty MacFarlaneKirsty MacFarlaneVor Monat
  • IWouldn'tEvenKnowWhereToGetCocaine.drugs!!!

    Mandy WathenMandy WathenVor Monat
  • Where can I download it from?

    Jhonker #Jhonker #Vor Monat
  • PornNo... Oh wait, bad name...

    AM SteensbergAM SteensbergVor Monat
  • "Just the tip" ..from the makers of "I wouldn't even know where to get cocane" .. Priceless!!😅🤣👍

    rcsc824 scrcsc824 scVor Monat
  • I’m dying I got lmfao

    LolaDasherLolaDasherVor Monat
  • You're probably going to get in trouble for using a black hand model to show "not" paying for sex.

    jjohnston94jjohnston94Vor Monat
  • You said you were accepting names for the orange one. Crotch Goblin is my suggestion.

    Tom MannonTom MannonVor Monat
  • I had no idea this show was delivered to the ISS on a USB drive taped to a weather balloon

    Rocky SlopeRocky SlopeVor Monat
  • "sexno" brilliant!

    Larry CampbellLarry CampbellVor Monat
  • MuRiKa!

    Kohlenstoffisotop12Kohlenstoffisotop12Vor Monat
  • Matt Gaetz's mouth is upside down. Once you see it, you can't unsee it. Also, he looks like a reject from Whoville.

    Erika KristenErika KristenVor Monat
  • .drugs 🤣🤣

    Erika KristenErika KristenVor Monat
  • 🤣

    Check MateCheck MateVor Monat
  • Everyone who has hired a prostitute. Is wondering why is it illegal. 🤔 lol

    graffitypsychograffitypsychoVor Monat
  • Is the writing room for this show full of 16 year olds? I get that the idea behind it is humorous, but this is lame.

    greent26tubegreent26tubeVor Monat
  • "Matt Gaetz must have misunderstood when he was told people use Venmo to make minor purchases."

    Cybr FriendsCybr FriendsVor Monat
    • *ASS*

      Chonq MonkChonq MonkVor Monat
    • 😂😂😂

      just a personjust a personVor Monat
    • Painful, but voted up!

  • It's so weird Matt's eyes are so slitty and then his eyebrows look like boomerangs, things are certainly coming back around on him.

    Margaret PeabodyMargaret PeabodyVor Monat
  • Wow his buddy is an awful pimp, he didn't keep any of the money.

    Druidic TroyDruidic TroyVor Monat
  • Damn, I didn't realize girls were that cheap. $300 a pop. Only in Florida I guess.

    Choo Choo MotherTruckerChoo Choo MotherTruckerVor Monat
    • @Lawrence Park Maven Inexperienced about the going rate, unless they are really terrible or not half decent looking.

      Choo Choo MotherTruckerChoo Choo MotherTruckerVor 29 Tage
    • Cuz they are inexperienced

      Lawrence Park MavenLawrence Park MavenVor 29 Tage
  • 😂😂😂

    Pam WPam WVor Monat
  • At first glance, I thought this was referencing my sexual orientation. Still funny though!

    RockHoppr3RockHoppr3Vor Monat
  • Hilarious...

    Jake BakerJake BakerVor Monat
  • You won't catch ME using that app! Actually, you won't catch me using ANY apps - I really don't care for them.

    chemxfanchemxfanVor Monat
    • Thats right. Only pay cash to smash.

      Mr. NobodyMr. NobodyVor Monat
  • Gaetz is so nice to pay for their schooling. Jr high is expensive.

    Michael MarceauMichael MarceauVor Monat
    • Gaetz paying for tuition is so much better than Commie idea of free schooling

      Deepak D'SouzaDeepak D'SouzaVor Monat
    • @Debpenguin Ooh,that's disturbing!

      Calisa HardyCalisa HardyVor Monat
    • Well cheer camp can be expensive. The word cherry was auto corrected to cherry. Lol

      DebpenguinDebpenguinVor Monat
    • ROFL!!!!

      jbombsmokerjbombsmokerVor Monat
  • Bro Chiiiiiiiilllllllllllll 🤣💀💀

    Quel quel fluers BerryQuel quel fluers BerryVor Monat
  • From the app maker Iknowwhatyoudidlastsummer.idiot

    Marcus AntoniusMarcus AntoniusVor Monat
  • Matt GAETZ paid sex news

    Derek Ho 2013'sDerek Ho 2013'sVor Monat
  • SexnoGaetz😜

    Lisa PayneLisa PayneVor Monat
  • 🤣🤣🤣🤣

    Natasha B.Natasha B.Vor Monat
  • sex - no payment

    Simon FrederiksenSimon FrederiksenVor Monat
  • I saw this thumbnail and I was about to go on a rant about how DEhave penalizes youtubers for cussing but allows adult ads, then I realized it was from Colbert. 🤣

    JessiBeJessiBeVor Monat
  • Finally an app we can all (not) use ! 🤣 Also, kind of reminiscent of the college humour sketches ....

    Julie DesaulniersJulie DesaulniersVor Monat
    • The infamous Venmo sketch is actually from Funny or Die. One of the funniest ever. I think it’s called “The Problem with Venmo and Your Taxes”. Highly recommended!

      Jeff BrailsfordJeff BrailsfordVor Monat
  • That second coke app was the one Donny the scum bag jr. uses 😂

    Ryan MaggsRyan MaggsVor Monat
  • Yeah. And you know, I have a folder on my computer that is definitely not for p0rn. It's labeled "Definitely not p0rn." Don't even _bother_ looking in there. Nope.

    Fauler PerfektionistFauler PerfektionistVor Monat
    • Don't you mean "Porn No" Wait! Isn't that just Porno

      Bleank DallasBleank DallasVor Monat
  • Haha that is ridiculous.

    Kalos KagathosKalos KagathosVor Monat
  • Where are Matt's lips? That is a mystery in and of itself.

    Nuckin FutsNuckin FutsVor Monat
    • - They were removed and surgically attached to Fat Man's sphincter for convenience.

      zora_noam flanneryzora_noam flanneryVor Monat
  • "Just the tip" **takes deep breath** 🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂

    Dr. Braxy Gilkey CruisesDr. Braxy Gilkey CruisesVor Monat
  • i hope his fiancée dumps him, if she knows what's good for her. what a pig, I cant even...

    MystiqueivyMystiqueivyVor Monat
  • Hell Yeah. I love America, I love Stephen Colbert!!!

    Paul GermanaPaul GermanaVor Monat
  • “Just the tip.” How did they get that past the censors?? Lol

    TomCatTomCatVor Monat
    • Clearly it was NOT sex-related advice.

      Richard ArriagaRichard ArriagaVor 29 Tage
    • @Jacob Reynolds more like double entendre, no?

      TomCatTomCatVor Monat
    • Because words have 2 meanings. Homonym

      Jacob ReynoldsJacob ReynoldsVor Monat
    • @Kasarii yep....😆 You'd make a good politician and or attorney....and or banker....and/or, etc .👍

      susan schaubsusan schaubVor Monat
    • It WAS" "just the tip"...not the whole "thing". LOL

      chemxfanchemxfanVor Monat
  • 🙉

    cheekygirlferretcheekygirlferretVor Monat
  • Lmao.

    Paul MachowskiPaul MachowskiVor Monat
  • Some one has to f*** damon,

    lacebollalacebollaVor Monat
  • He's on your Azz, Gaetz! This will not end soon or well. 😂

    ShaunieBNaturalistaShaunieBNaturalistaVor Monat
  • How dare you tell the truth. Oh no here comes my future ex-wife, with a credit card bill.

    Richard ZipplerRichard ZipplerVor Monat
  • Sex work is real work. Lets stop stigmatising sex workers talk about what this guy actually did wrong eh? theres plenty

    Mijc OsisMijc OsisVor Monat
    • @dafttool exactly, and thats what they should be discussing, not venmo-ing a sex worker ffs

      Mijc OsisMijc OsisVor Monat
    • It’s not considered legitimate work in most states... YET. That’s a whole other discussion that absolutely does need to be had one day sooner, rather than later. The main problem is that some of these “working” young ladies were actually underage, making it child sex. And then being transported across state lines, child sex trafficking. And then being into international waters (going to the Bahamas), international child sex trafficking. And then, in that last example, the “services” being provided for illegally by a lobbyist.

      dafttooldafttoolVor Monat
  • I'm sad that iwouldntevenknowwheretogetcocaine.drugs isn't a real domain. :(

    jimmy wendlerjimmy wendlerVor Monat
  • 😂😭😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

    Caroline DLRCaroline DLRVor Monat
  • Stephen, You are opening the "flood Gaetz" to this not so deep mystery!

    Elaine JohnsonElaine JohnsonVor Monat
  • Love the end disclaimer.

    martin staucemartin stauceVor Monat
  • It's a good thing Matt Gaetz didn't try to give a Georgia voter some food or water; he might actually be in jail now.

    jdax21jdax21Vor Monat
    • Introducing H2No! ”100% guaranteed that this beverage has not been given to anyone that is waiting in line to vote. Does not contain nitrogen or nobelium.”

      Håkan Bråkan KråkanHåkan Bråkan KråkanVor Monat
    • *ASS*

      Chonq MonkChonq MonkVor Monat
    • US is not a real democracy boom💥! Demand the For the People Act!

      Kit CoffeyKit CoffeyVor Monat
    • @Za Az 🤗🤗😛

      susan schaubsusan schaubVor Monat
    • **snort** right?

      Za AzZa AzVor Monat
  • 900$ for tuition? That’s a quality school, right there.

    Pierre DrapsPierre DrapsVor Monat
    • Maybe it is for 1 textbook.

      DebpenguinDebpenguinVor Monat
    • @Valerie J. Norse True! :D

      Daniella McGeeDaniella McGeeVor Monat
    • @Daniella McGee -- Hey, at least Pierre Draps steals from the best.

      Valerie J. NorseValerie J. NorseVor Monat
    • That's (almost) exactly what New Message wrote 1 hour before you. Coincidence?

      Daniella McGeeDaniella McGeeVor Monat
    • $900 split three ways, no less

      dafttooldafttoolVor Monat
  • And before you know it, the same company releases a dating app called GayNo (not that there’s anything wrong with that). 😁

    Space Force Commander, General Stabled GeniusSpace Force Commander, General Stabled GeniusVor Monat
    • That is going to be matts defense. “ I don’t even like girl’s, ask nestor. “

      Mike HortonMike HortonVor Monat
    • Don’t give them ideas. That might leech business away from my app, NoHomo.

      Kimberly ColleyKimberly ColleyVor Monat
  • just the tip, by which I mean gratuity 😂😂😂😂😂😂

    Lil NastyyLil NastyyVor Monat
    • Lol!

      alison moorealison mooreVor Monat
  • This shit was toooo hilarious 🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂they silly !😭😭

    Kenneth VanceKenneth VanceVor Monat
  • Oh my goodness. I am an older white woman and even I noticed this. after all the "excuses", (and I get the sarcasm/irony, whatever,...) all of the hand models were from People Of Color. really, Stephen C.? you can do better. This issue transcends ethnicity like few other issues do. Perhaps I didn't get the subtlety, but WOW.

    Donna HaynesDonna HaynesVor Monat
    • @Lyla Lolliberry lmao i swear 🤣

      MystiqueivyMystiqueivyVor Monat
    • @Mystiqueivy Someone's off their meds.

      Lyla LolliberryLyla LolliberryVor Monat
    • KKK racists complain they are colorless too?...

      David HariDavid HariVor Monat
    • @David Hari And seriously, you really shouldn't use that as an argument about race, it's literally one of the KKK talking points...

      DahnDahnVor Monat
    • @Donna Haynes Why leap instantly to skin color at all? What is the relevance? Would it have been funnier if it was only white men? What about latinos? Middle Eastern? You see the point? And there is nothing to do with vaccinations there, and if that is your tack, the ones who need 'convincing' are the Far Right scumbags who have been making this whole pandemic many, many times worse than it ever should have become, and are STILL doing all they can to sabotage any efforts to save lives. And you will find that there is VERY little crossover between the two. Some, certainly, but not much.

      DahnDahnVor Monat
  • Gartz: 900 Dollarssss Batiste: Alleged Maniac!

    Yuriel CundanganYuriel CundanganVor Monat
  • *Matt Gaetz:* The left is trying to smear me. This is all lies and fake news. They're not coming for me, they're coming for you... *Chris Hanson:* That's not what this transcript says...

    My Pillow GuyMy Pillow GuyVor Monat
  • Sometimes, the old fashioned ways are better...

    Napoléon I BonaparteNapoléon I BonaparteVor Monat
    • One bag if rice gets me how much?

      Lyndsay BrownLyndsay BrownVor Monat
  • Bruh.... Lmfao

    Edward Jones IIEdward Jones IIVor Monat
  • House Democrats are passing a bill that would require ID for anyone trying to date Matt Gaetz.

    My Pillow GuyMy Pillow GuyVor Monat
    • @BriarDan I'm not in the least bit surprised.

      Cynthia BrentCynthia BrentVor Monat
    • Gaetz gets IDs for his girls. His buddy had quite a few fake ones on him when he was picked up.

      BriarDanBriarDanVor Monat
    • The Republicans are against such a bill as being too oppressive; it's not like Matt Gaetz was trying to vote in Georgia or something.

      jdax21jdax21Vor Monat
    • 😆😆😆😆😆😆

      Cynthia BrentCynthia BrentVor Monat

      Van JonVan JonVor Monat
  • lol! ty lssc fam!

    mary jonesmary jonesVor Monat
    • @Kendall Stark At least it's not porn spam, like Freddie up above. Just report them.

      chez moichez moiVor Monat
    • The video that Van Jon linked is just a traffic jam with reggae music in the background. Irrelevant.

      Kendall StarkKendall StarkVor Monat

      Van JonVan JonVor Monat
  • I can’t

  • 0:37 My god that guy REALLY looks like Matt Gaetz.

    VesperitisVesperitisVor Monat
    • Not at all...but Butthead looks like Matt Gaetz.

      The Real Wilde ChildThe Real Wilde ChildVor Monat

      Van JonVan JonVor Monat
  • Ouch. I’m embarrassed just to read the note he put on it. He called her a 17 year-old woman but he’s paying for her “school tuition”. Talk about awkward. Makes my tummy hurt.

    Calm DustCalm DustVor Monat
    • Its better than just writing *ASS* , don't ya think?

      Chonq MonkChonq MonkVor Monat
    • Makes your tummy hurt like 17 after a night with Matt Gaetz.

      Mr. NobodyMr. NobodyVor Monat
    • @Simon Frederiksen Gaetz was born & raised at the intersection of entitlement and zero accountability. It's hardly surprising.

      Lyla LolliberryLyla LolliberryVor Monat
    • @S N for some adulthood doesn't apply before they pass 40, I mean look at that Gaetz guy, he's basically behaving like a spoiled brat, convinced that If he's done anything wrong, and that's a big if, it amounts to stealing some cookies his Mommy baked, and that he should get off with an "Awww! How cute!"

      Simon FrederiksenSimon FrederiksenVor Monat
    • there's no such thing as a "17 year old Woman," we're still children at that point.

      S NS NVor Monat
  • Correction: Sexnoooooooo

    Harold SHarold SVor Monat

      Van JonVan JonVor Monat
  • 🤘🤣🤘

    caesar eliascaesar eliasVor Monat

      Van JonVan JonVor Monat
  • Å

    Monky DollqueenMonky DollqueenVor Monat
  • Lol 😂

  • Less than 900$ each for tuition? That's a quality school, right there.

    New MessageNew MessageVor Monat
    • And that was for more than one student. What a deal!

      Rondalyn ReynoldsRondalyn ReynoldsVor Monat
    • @Dominic Chong Also tacky, but voted up!

    • Tacky, but voted up!

    • @Daniella McGee No, that's fine to use 'salut' as a greeting, coming or going. Obviously you are worth a lot more than the girls Gaetz hangs out with. 😸Bonne nuit!

      chez moichez moiVor Monat
    • @chez moi Merci, beaucoup! 💜 See you around when hopefully I will remember to spell 'salut' sans le 'e'. Oops! Also, I hope it wasn't rude to respond to a 'bonjour' with a 'salut'. I have a lot to learn! I might need 9000$ for schooling instantly transferred to my account. 😉

      Daniella McGeeDaniella McGeeVor Monat